Living with myself!

As we grow, we come out of our cushy childhood to face the world around us. The world initially starts from peer pressure in the classroom, slowing expanding its influence to the school level.

By the time, we pass our board exams, we are experienced in handling anxiety, failure, expectations, and many such complicated emotions. We also start taking decisions with varied consequences affecting our existence.

We move from decisions like stealing a chocolate from the fridge to decisions like not talking to a particular friend in the class. We then graduate to decisions about which girl to like, and get infatuated. Every little or big decision has little or big emotional consequences.

Life starts and just wont stop at anything till we die. Every morning starts a day of living life fulfilling wishes, self expectations, greed, ambitions and other egotistical fancies. We go on taking decisions one way or the other. Sometimes we are compelled to take a particular decision.  Sometimes we decide to not decide. That's also a decision with consequences.

Finally comes a time, when we are living the consequences more than our lives. Today, I mostly take decisions to live through consequences of past decisions. Hardly I take new decisions. I neither have the time nor the guts.

I realise that I am going through a phase of wasting time pondering over what is happening, or what has happened. I ought to rather spend time to build a happy present and a better future. It is restricting and frustrating. How to run away? Meditation? Perhaps Yoga? Perhaps seclusion? I don't think death is an alternative.

I know it is a feeling that it is in the mind. It is finally the question, "Am I the world, or am I just myself?" The Jains take diksha by leaving every material comfort including relatives and immediate family. The yogis too roam around alone.

I realise we are all actually ourselves. I am actually just myself. I close my eyes and try to imagine the meaning of 'I am Me. I am just myself'. It is a nice liberating feeling. I am just myself makes me imply that 'the others are just themselves'. We both are mutually exclusive, not related at all. We have to just co-exist without harming each other. I also understand and accept the fact that I can't control others' thoughts, words and actions.

I also realise that I have only 'Today'. There is neither time nor need to mull over the consequences that have piled up on me over the years either subliminally or in full contrast.

Today I take another decision. But this is a new decision by me, for me, about me.

I will live for myself.

I would concentrate on my dreams. I will do my part and leave the rest to chance, and not to 'others'. I will not sulk, as most often than not, we sulk for others' actions, which are anyways, not in our control. I will be nice and courteous to others, as they are others and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Living for myself is mainly about a list of things that I want to do. It is about not getting distracted by past consequences and by 'others' actions.

Today I decide to be happy about myself, without the 'others'.

What is a Safer City for Women?

Mumbai has been the safer city for women according to my discussions with my female friends. The arguments in favour of the statement ranges from 'one can party till late', 'one can come home from office in odd hours', 'one can wear short skirts without being leered and cheered at', to 'one doesn't care about what the other girl is up to'.

I was reading a blogpost today by an extremely popular blogger (by the count of comments she receives on her posts) on the same topic that led me to think of defining a 'safer place for women'.

Mumbai surely figures as one the safest city in my list too because of the financial independence it gives to women. Women love the city because, for a change, she is not the object of discussion for whatever she does.

Similarly the North-East is safe for women because of the social status it gives to women. The hill states particularly are known for their matrilineal societies and women play a very significant role, that creates safety for women in general. Assam has had the privilege of a great Guru - Srimanta Sankardeva, who preached a class-less society and had given a modern outlook to the society by reducing the influence of Brahmins and their traditions. Many of the Brahmin traditions like Widow Marriage, Sati Pratha are not to be seen in Assam.

However, both these places have de-merits. If Mumbai gives loneliness and depression, the NE states are economically poor to give options towards financial independence.

Safest city or a place for woman is not to be judged by the time of night, she can come home. It is to be judged by the freedom and support that place gives her. That place has to be her immediate family - her home. Home is the place that can make her take efforts to:

• understand herself, and how different or similar she is to her society.
• crystalize her ambitions, likes and dislikes in order to lead her adult life
• form her concepts of feminity, society and financial independence

It is the home that brings up a woman to understand and realise her own safety zones. She might not feel safe in her own house, or on the other extreme, she might not want to be outside home till late hours irrespective of whether she feels safe outside or not.

She might enjoy being a house-wife and feel safe at a city where joint family and society plays an intrinsic role (inter-ferring at times), unlike Mumbai where we don't even know our neighbours.

There is no safer city for women, as compared to the any other city. It is completely upon the woman on what she considers safe.

Blogger or Wordpress cannot bring all the women to one platform to search for opinions, but for sure, Mumbai or any other place for that matter, would not win the majority votes.